Lost Loves, Past Lives
by ILikeFanFiction
Summary: "Have you ever been in love?" Harry asked the question quickly as if to hope that Sirius wouldn't hear him correctly and looked away from his godfather. Sirius drew in a sharp breath and it was this that caused Harry to look at Sirius again, and he almost immediately regretted asking his question. Sirius' face was filled with the despair. Sirius Black/OC


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; if I did Sirius Black would not have died. All characters and locations excluding Primrose and Acacia belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers**

**This little idea came to me after I spent time reading Sirius/OC fanfiction.**

**This is an AU story.**

* * *

Christmas

Sirius was staring into the fire in the kitchen of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, lost in thoughts of the past, so lost in thought that he did not hear his fifteen year old godson, Harry, enter the room.

Harry watched the display of emotions that crossed his godfather's face in that moment when he was entirely unaware that he wasn't alone. There were flashes of happiness but the most prominent emotion to cross his face was complete despair. Harry had no idea as to what could cause his godfather to look that way, but the only idea that made sense to Harry was that Sirius must've been thinking of his parents again. He had no idea how wrong he was.

Harry cleared his throat awkwardly to bring Sirius' mind back to the present. Sirius jerked in his seat and all evidence of emotion was wiped from his face.

"Harry," Sirius began. "I didn't see you there."

"Yeah," Harry replied. "I had noticed." Harry paused here unsure whether or not to continue onto the question that had been pestering his mind since Sirius told him of his parents and their relationship.

Sirius watched Harry as he appeared to be at war with himself.

"What's up, kiddo?" Sirius asked, in an attempt to get Harry to reveal what was on his mind.

"Um," Harry began. "I wanted to ask you something, but it's kind of personal, so you don't have to answer if you don't want to." He finished quickly, as if to reassure his godfather that there was no pressure what so ever to answer the question of a curious fifteen year old.

Sirius smiled easily, believing that there was no question that Harry could ask that would make him uncomfortable.

"Go ahead, Harry. I don't bite." He said with an easy grin that remained on his face.

"Have you ever been in love?" Harry asked the question quickly as if to hope that Sirius wouldn't hear him correctly and looked away from his godfather.

Sirius drew in a sharp breath and it was this that caused Harry to look at Sirius again, and he almost immediately regretted asking his question. Sirius' face was filled with the despair that he had seen earlier when he was unaware that Harry was observing him, and then Harry knew. The despair on his face when he was looking into the fire had absolutely nothing to do with his parents, and all to do with Sirius himself.

Sirius was shocked; he just stared at Harry, never having expected this question from him.

It was at that moment, when the silence was becoming tense that Remus Lupin walked into the kitchen. He took note of both Harry and Sirius and the tense atmosphere that seemed to seep through the kitchen.

"Did I interrupt anything?" Remus asked with trepidation.

Sirius was quick to reassure him, he knew, if he was going to talk to Harry and answer his question, he'd need his best friend there; "No, no. You're not interrupting anything. Harry just asked a question is all."

Remus looked at Harry as if to determine the truth of the statement and waited for Harry to nod his head slowly.

"What question?" Remus asked both of them. He knew it must've been a good one if they were both tense and silent when he entered.

"He asked whether I'd ever been in love before," Sirius informed him.

Remus drew in a breath and looked between the two and then focused his attention on Sirius as if to see how he was going to answer that question.

Harry having been quiet this entire time observed his father's two best friends. Having witnessed both of their reactions he knew that his godfather had to have been in love previously and that it had not ended well if the reactions the two men had given indicated.

Finally, after what seemed like a very long time but had in fact been only a couple of minutes, Sirius nodded his head at Remus as if in answer to his non-verbal question and then looked at Harry.

"Yes, I have been in love," Sirius said slowly. "Still am, really." He muttered this so quietly Harry was sure he wasn't meant to hear it.

"Do you want me to stay?" Remus asked, looking directly at Sirius. He knew this was going to be difficult for Sirius, but in a way it would also be difficult for himself and Harry.

Sirius nodded and gestured for both Remus and Harry to sit at table. Harry slowly took a seat and looked at his godfather, as if waiting for him to begin a story. A story that had no happy ending.

Remus and Harry both watched Sirius as he looked to be deep in thought as if trying to recollect all the information necessary to tell his story.

"What was her name?" Harry asked quietly, causing Sirius to refocus on the present.

"Primrose," Sirius answered quietly, and stole a quick glance at Remus who nodded for him to continue. "Primrose Evans."

Harry's head snapped up fast at that. "Evans?" He asked quietly.

Here it was Remus answered, "Yes, Primrose Evans, Lily Evans' twin."

Sirius and Remus both watched as Harry appeared to be digesting the information.

"Her twin!?" Harry exclaimed. "How comes no one mentioned my mother having a twin?" he looked between the two men, betrayal spreading across his features.

"Because we don't mention her. Ever!" Sirius almost growled.

Harry was shocked, he'd never heard that tone of voice directed at him and looked at Remus and saw that he was looking at him with mild disapproval.

Harry had a thousand questions running through his head but knew better than to demand that they answer them. This was the woman his godfather loved, his aunt and he knew it must be terrible to be talking about her just because Harry couldn't keep his curiosity in check.

"Padfoot," Remus said quietly to gain the attention of the Marauder who was staring at Harry intently.

Sirius nodded and looked at Harry. "What do you want to know?" He asked as calmly as he could and it was taking everything he had not to run from the room to avoid talking about his past.

"How old were you?" Harry began, "When you fell in love?"

If Sirius and Remus were shocked that he didn't start demanding to know why no one ever told him about his other aunt they hid it well.

"I was fifteen," Sirius began with a soft smile. "Fifteen and I didn't even realise it until the Christmas of fifth year."

Harry watched his godfather, never having seen that look on his face. Even when talking about his parents.

"Why only then?" Harry asked curiously.

At this question Sirius let out a bark like laugh and Remus, too started chuckling. Harry looked between the two completely confused.

Remus seeing the confusion on the boys face decided to enlighten him. "Sirius," he began still chuckling. "Was a big flirt up until fifth year and didn't believe in love."

Harry looked to his godfather for confirmation, which he got when Sirius nodded.

"How then..." Harry trailed off uncertainly.

"It came as quite a shock," Sirius began. "I'd known her since first year, of course. And we got on alright before then, better than Lily and James, anyway." He finished.

"What?" Harry questioned. Unsure as to whether he'd heard that his parents didn't get along during their time at Hogwarts.

"Lily detested James," Sirius began. "James on the other hand was completely in love with your mother from second year, although Lily didn't agree to date him until seventh."

"Why?" Harry asked completely confused.

"She thought he was a bit of arrogant," Remus said. "And a bully, too."

"How comes you and Primrose got on alright then?" Harry asked Sirius.

Sirius gave him a grin before he began. "Although very much alike, Lily and Primrose were also very different. Where Lily would scorn our pranks, Primrose would laugh. If we pranked Lily she'd get angry, if we pranked Primrose she'd prank us back." Sirius finished with a grin still on his face.

Remus started chuckling. "She made Sirius bald for a week, when he turned her hair pink."

At this Sirius laughed in remembrance and Harry chuckled too.

"She also didn't adhere to the rules quite as rigidly as Lily did," Remus added. "It's why she was never prefect."

"She told me she was glad about that," Sirius informed them. "Believed it would make her more like Lily than she already was."

"What did she look like?" Harry asked, feeling a sort of dread in his stomach for unknown reasons.

"Beautiful," Sirius sighed softly. Harry and Remus waited for him to continue, but when it became apparent that he wasn't going to, Remus continued.

"She looked very much like your mother, but with strawberry blonde hair instead of your mother's red."

Harry tried to imagine that, and he had to admit the image that came to mind was that of a beautiful woman, very much like his mother.

"What happened during fifth year?" Harry asked.

"I was in denial," Sirius explained. "Up until Christmas. I didn't believe I was in love, and certainly not with Primrose Evans."

"What changed?"

"I saw her that Christmas, as she entered the common room from the dormitory and I realised I'd never seen anything more beautiful."

Here Remus started chuckling. "You were staring Padfoot, and drooling a little too." He continued sniggering.

"Shut up, Moony! I was not!" Sirius exclaimed, but Harry thought he could see a faint blush on his godfather's cheeks as if to publicly deny that statement.

"Continuing on," Sirius said hurriedly, when he realised he was blushing a little bit. "She was beautiful that day, in a red dress. And it was in that moment I knew I was in love and I was going to marry her someday." He finished with a soft smile.

"But first," Remus began. "He had to get her to say yes."

"So did you start dating straight away?" Harry asked the question seemed perfectly reasonable to him so he couldn't understand why Remus and Sirius burst into laughter.

"No," Sirius said through his laughter. "She thought I was joking."

"A perfectly reasonable assumption considering your reputation, Padfoot," Remus interjected.

"It took me a year to convince her, I was serious. We started dating the Christmas of sixth year," Sirius continued explaining.

"Oh," Harry nodded. "Why didn't you give up?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged glances, before Remus spoke up. "If James had given up every time Lily turned him down, you wouldn't be here." He explained to Harry.

"And it was worth it," Sirius added. "When she finally realised I was being serious and wanted no other, and I could finally call her mine. It was one of the happiest days of my life."

Harry watched Sirius get lost in thought and noticed that Remus was smiling a small sad smile.

"So, what happened?" Harry asked.

"We dated throughout the rest of our time at Hogwarts," Sirius started. "We had our ups and downs of course, but we worked through it and the day before graduation I proposed." He said with a smile that expressed his joy but was also tinged with sadness.

"I remember," Remus added. "You were so nervous."

"I was," Sirius agreed readily.

Harry at this time was hooked; he wanted to know what happened between them graduating and that fateful night where he lost his parents.

"What did she say?" He asked almost eagerly.

"She said yes," Sirius stated with a soft smile. "That was the third best day of my life."

"He came running into the hall, with Primrose following behind him shouting for the whole hall to hear 'she said yes! She said yes!'" Remus added.

Harry laughed as he imagined the scene in his head.

"Dumbledore was there," Sirius added. "Offered us his congratulations and that he hoped any children we might have wouldn't be as into pranks as the two of us had been." He finished with a chuckle. "Your parents were engaged two weeks later."

Harry watched as both Remus and Sirius got distant looks in their eyes, clearly remembering the moment.

"Did you marry?" Harry asked almost hesitantly.

"Yeah," Sirius said with the biggest grin Harry had ever seen on his face, and knew he was seeing the man his godfather was before being sent to Azkaban. "But we had a longer engagement than Lily and James. They got married straight out of Hogwarts and we waited but we lived together."

"Sirius and Primrose got married not long after you were born," Remus said. "You were the ring bearer, barely a month old, but they both wanted you to have a role in the wedding." He finished with a grin.

"You were so cute," Sirius said, and then Harry and Remus watched as his face softened. "Primrose was so beautiful that day, she always was, but when we got married, she was perfect."

Remus smiled at his friend, glad that he could still get some happiness out of those memories after all these years. But then his smile faded as he remembered what was to happen next.

Sirius too started frowning, but he knew he had to tell Harry the rest. As much as it pained him to do so, Sirius knew that Harry had a right to understand him and know about his aunt.

Harry realised the story was about to get darker, was about to come to its climax and he knew it wouldn't be a happy ending. But before he could ask, Sirius continued speaking.

"The war was raging around us, with James and me both being aurors Lily and Primrose worried all the time, but there was still light in our world. Primrose and I weren't worried about children, we knew we wanted to have at least two but we didn't feel ready..." Sirius trailed off.

"Until it actually happened," Remus said, with a small smile. "You'd just turned one, Harry when Primrose announced that she was pregnant."

"That was the best day of my life," Sirius said with a soft smile. "You'll understand when you have children of your own Harry, but there is no greater moment in a man's life than when you find out that the woman you love is carrying your child, except perhaps when the child is born." A solitary tear made its way down Sirius' cheek. And Remus gently squeezed Sirius' shoulder, knowing that the single worst moment of Sirius' life was about to be revealed.

Remus decided to take over at this part, knowing that his friend would find it hard to do, and turned his attention to the young man who was watching and listening most avidly. "As you know, your mother and father were preparing to go into hiding and just before they did Sirius and Primrose..."

Here Sirius interjected, "We found out we were going to have a little girl, we were going to name her Acacia," his voice thick with emotion.

"You and James used to joke about how you, Harry, and Acacia would grow up and get married," Remus said with a small chuckle before continuing. "They even mentioned betrothal contracts."

Here Harry looked outraged and Sirius couldn't stop the small choked laughter that escaped him. "You would've been lucky to marry my daughter. But Lily and Primrose wouldn't allow James and me to do it. They said if you fell in love you fell in love, but there was no need to force marriage on you."

"Thank Merlin," Harry stated with a small chuckle.

"You should be thanking your mother and aunt, Harry," Remus said with a chuckle. "Threatened to make them sleep on the couch if they even thought about having a contract made."

Sirius let out a bark like laugh and nodded his head, but he knew this moment of levity could not last. Remus noticed his friends dying laughter and decided to finish the full history for Harry. "As you know, your parents switched from Sirius being your secret keeper to Peter and whilst it was true that he was too obvious, he also had he own family to worry about, what would happen to Primrose and Acacia if he died, your parents understood this Harry and also agreed that he was both too obvious a choice and had his own family's future to think about."

Here Harry wanted to get angry, wanted to blame Sirius' selfish thoughts for being one of the reasons his parents were dead, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't blame Sirius for thinking about his own wife and child, when he probably would've done the same.

"That night," Sirius choked out. "The night when it all ended, Primrose was at your house, it wasn't unusual for her to be there talking babies with Lily, they were so excited." Sirius had a steady stream of silent tears falling from his eyes, and Harry thought he knew what was about to happen before Remus finished telling him, realising as Harry had that his best friend could not finish this part of their history.

"We don't know exactly what happened Harry," Remus said hesitantly. "But from what we've been able to infer is that both Lily and Primrose were trying to keep you safe." Here Remus frowned before continuing, "Primrose died before your mother, Harry and because she wasn't offered the opportunity to step aside like your mother, no sacrifice could be made with her death for either you or your mother." Here Remus bowed his head and tears started to run from his eyes but he was too focused on his best friend who was nearly sobbing with grief.

Harry did not need to ask what happened next, he already knew. His mother was offered the chance to save her life and when she did not take it she was murdered thus protecting her only son from death.

"When I arrived at your house," Sirius said, his voice choked. "I knew that something devastating had happened. I saw your father and then ran upstairs, and I'll admit Harry, once I saw that Primrose was dead I paid very little attention to what was going on around me. That was my wife and child dead. My child who had not yet been born, and even though you were my godson, until I heard you cry, I had little attention for anyone else."

Harry could not blame him, and even though he had never met his aunt nor his cousin, his godfather's grief was palpable to him, and he reached across the table and squeezed the hand that Remus was not squeezing.

Harry looked up as his godfather continued to speak. "When I said I lost everything that night Harry I really did lose everything. I didn't just lose my brother and sister-in-law; I lost my entire life and my future. As much as I love you Harry I could not allow Wormtail to get away with what he had done, bad enough he killed someone he proclaimed to love like a brother but he took my reasons for life from me, and I knew I had to kill him. Make him suffer the way I was suffering..." here Sirius trailed off his emotions getting the better of him. And Harry not thinking of any other way to offer his godfather comfort pulled him into a hug that shocked the both of them with its strength as Sirius pulled Remus in to join their hug and attempted to gain control of his emotions.

"I'm so sorry Sirius," Harry whispered in a choked voice, because for perhaps the first time in his life he was realising the true impact that that Halloween night had on other people, and not just himself.

"Not a day goes by when I don't miss them or think about them," Sirius said quietly.

"I'm sorry, I asked you about love," Harry apologised.

Sirius waved his apology off, "As much as it pains me to talk about them Harry," Sirius whispered. "You deserved to know, and more than that they deserve to be remembered." Sirius finished with conviction. "I love Primrose to this day, and I know that whenever my time comes, she'll be waiting for me, with my little girl, and that makes it so much easier to deal with." Sirius said with a small smile.

* * *

Battle of the Department of Mysteries.

As Sirius felt himself fall into the veil, he regretted that he would no longer be there for Harry, but as thoughts of Primrose and Acacia filled his mind, he could not bring himself to fear dying, for he knew his beautiful wife and child would be waiting for him. And as he fell a small smile appeared on his lips.

* * *

Dumbledore's Office after the Battle

Harry himself was full of grief, grief that the man he saw as his father was dead, but as he recalled the moment Sirius finally slipped through the veil he remembered the small peaceful smile on his godfather's face and knew he was thinking of Primrose and Acacia and knew that the small happiness his godfather had found in his life after prison could not compare to the eternal happiness he was about to gain.


End file.
